I found your post and problem somewhat cryptic, most likely due to use of terms. Here is my response..
1. There is no such thing as a "M flare" in RCBS dies. the "M die" is a Lyman product and quite different from the expanders used by other makers.
2. Below is a pic of the M die expander from my Lyman 45 ACP dies. You will not a distinct two step expander. The first and longer step expands the cases mouth .449 and the second shorter step expands the top of the case mouth .455, plenty big for .453 bullets. There is no flair at all, just two steps. In use the bullet is started into the larger (.455) portion of the case and then placed into the seating die for seating.
3. The RCBS and other makes do use an expander which puts a flair or bell on the case mouth. The amount of this is determined by the reloader depending on how far down into the case he shoves the expander.
If you are using the RCBS type expander and having the problems you state, there is an issue with the adjustment of the seating die for you should have no problem seating .453 bullet in your RCBS die. Here is what I think is going on and how to properly adjust the seating die.
1. Take a sized but unexpanded case and place it in your shell holder and run the ram to the top of the stroke.
2. Now screw the die down until the case mouth hits the crimp ring in the die. You can feel this quite easy. Now back the die off a smidge to make certain there is no contact between the case mouth and the crimp ring in the die.
3. With the seating stem backed way off, place a bullet in a case and adjust the stem to locate the bullet at the depth you want in the loaded round.
Now here is where you are having a problem.....You most likely are trying to seat and crimp in the same operation and the crimp is turning the case mouth in shave some lead before the bullet is fully seated. It has nothing to do with the extra .001 or .002 bullet diameter.
Buy a Taper Crimp die and use it to crimp AFTER all cases have been charged and the bullet seated to the proper depth. With the 45 ACP round, seating and crimping should be done in different dies and different operations and a taper crimp used. I won't run on and give instructions on how to adjust a taper crimp die as I have run on too long.